Mrs. Veen

I feel so bloated and gross today :o/ I don't care what Vince says, I feel like I HAVE put on weight since I started taking fertility meds. It's not very noticeable but *I* notice it, especially when my jeans are a bit too tight. pfft.

tomorrow is our first IUI on injectibles. With me luck :)

Well, I had my ultrasound and bloodwork today! I have had 76iu of Follistim injected on Wed/Thurs/Fri and then 150iu on Sat/Sun. They took my blood this morning to check my E2(?) levels and then I had my u/s.

A woman R/E came in to do it, since my R/E was still with people and I would have waited longer... she wasn't very talkative, since I'm so used to my R/E chatting the whole time. She pretty much just measured the follicles she found without saying much. If I was looking right, I think they found about 10(!) which she was was a lot... especially all at the same time... but that I'm responding really well to the injectibles. I asked her if that much was bad, since they could produce MANY eggs and sometimes R/E's cancel IUIs if there is a lot of follies since the risk of multiples is so high.

But this R/E said it was a lot, yes, but apparently MY R/E likes to see a lot since it gives you a better chance at pregnancy. And that you have to sometimes look at the benefits versus the risks. Personally, I would risk it and go for the IUI anyway if I had too many follicles. At this point.

Anyway, I should get my bloodwork back this afternoon and they're going to call with my new dose of Follistim. Only a few more days of shots and I'll be done for this month. thank goodness

It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be! I think I'm more scared of needles when it comes to anticipating the shot, because one it's in my skin, I totally relax. More or less. I have to do 75iu for three days and then 150 Sat/Sun before my ultrasound on Monday. The only sucky thing was Vince scratched me with the needle when he took it out, so that stung a bit :( He promised to do better tonight though LOL. Sooo... injectible cycle is now on it's way... *crosses fingers*

I am so bad at updating on a more frequent basis. Oh well. Anyway, the first 3 IUIs with Clomid failed. Obviously. More pregnant ladies, babies and baby showers, but it's getting a bit easier to deal with. My RE has put me on Follistim, with a trigger shot. I'll be injecting myself (or, Vince will be since I don't think I could needle myself) every night from cycle day 3 to 9... with ultrasounds and blood work to check my estrogen levels. Once they're producing good eggies, I'll trigger with the HCG shot (yay another shot) and then get an IUI and go back on Prometrium (to help my low progesterone deficiency).

Without insurance, the 2 cartridges of my meds would have been $500. Plus the IUI, plus the ultrasound and blood work costs... God sent me a miracle and it turns out my insurance DID cover the Follistim. We just changed insurance carriers this past June, so thank god... so instead of $500 for the Follistim alone, we spent $66 on the Follistim AND the trigger shot.

I am praying that this will help... my RE thinks I just have ovulatory issues, and he says the injectibles triple the pregnancy success rate that Clomid had.

Please pray for us!

I am GOING to get pregnant this year. Whether it be through some medical procedure, or naturally. It's happening. Because I say so.

So after putting it off 2 more months I am finishing my testing this month. Not looking forward to it as the biopsy hurt, but hopefully they'll get some answers this time from it. It cost me $100 alone for my last two tests, both of which I flunked! PFFT. So I am keeping my fingers crossed that this month they'll be able to give me answers. I am one month away from TTC for 2 years.

Saw my Doctor today. No more caffiene for me. SOBS. OMG...seriously...no more cappucinos, or hazelnut coffee. EEEEEP. Decaf Tea. ARG.

Have 2 tests...he urged me to get them done this month so he knows what the next step is.

He thinks, based on my tests and Vince's, that I'll need insemination (IUI). *sigh* But he made me feel more optimistic, as did Vince...so we're just going to see what happens.

Good vibes and prayers would be nice :)

PS - I have a new layout for this journal. Its cute!

I think I am pretty close to not "trying" anymore. It's tiring, stressful and doesn't help make the process any better. I'm past the phase of thinking something might be wrong with me, and going onto the 'maybe I'm just not meant to be a mom' phase. I keep saying that if it DOES happen, it'll mean that much more, and it's true. But right now it also seems like...like lottery. You know that feeling "what would I do if I won the lottery?" and you get all happy about it, then you get back to reality...winning the lottery is probably never going to be an event that happens in your life. That's how I feel right now. If I did get pregnant, I wouldn't believe it. My brain has already decided it's never going to happen and putting myself through tests every month and having (HEY SISTERS: TMI ALERT) insert A into slot B sex isn't very exciting or romantic, or a way I want a baby conceived.

It'll happen if it's meant too, I guess. There's not much else I can do about it at this point.

So I have been thinking (der) about how I would tell Vince if I ever see those two little pink lines. A part of me thinks I'd squeal and give it away...another thinks I'd probably run to him right away, or call him and tell him the news. But I really want to surprise him when it DOES happen. I thought about buying a fathering book...Parenting for Dummies or something, lol, wrapping it up with the positive test inside and giving it to him. I dunno. I think of all these ways to tell him creatively, but deep down I'd probably just rush to him, wherever he was, and tell him. lol. We'll see.

I also have to admit that I'm relieved we didn't get pregnant last year...being downsized, I lost my insurance, which would have been BAD for us if I were already pregnant. Then I got a new job, but wouldn't get new insurance until 2/1/06. Then Veen was let go too and we were in a financial crunch through December. I do think God was looking out for us. Getting pregnant before you have insurance/a job is a big risk, as many insurance companies consider if a pre-existing condition and won't cover it. I have to say thinking back, it was a bit of a relief. And now that 2/1 is around the corner, I'll have insurance again, and Veen will likely have a great job (I am knocking on wood and praying as it isn't official yet).

So I suppose I will see what 2006 has in store for us both, but I am keeping fingers and toes crossed :D

Why is it when women want to have a baby, they have to give up caffeine, but doctors actually encourage men to drink coffee? Three cups of day apparently, get those little swimmers moving! Heh. I miss my coffee and hot chocolate.

We're at month 10...coming up on a year. Some extra good vibes our way would be much appreciated. After a couple of months of relaxing and giving it a slight rest, we're going to see if we can get it done this month, lol. We'll see.

So my doctor says 50% of women get pregnant within 8 months of trying. 90% within 12 months. I'm thinking I am not meant to be that 50%....maybe not even the 90%. I'm sort of resigned to the fact that it might not happen when I want it too but the last thing I want to do is start "tests" in February which will be around the 1 year mark. It's just frustrating and tiring...

I've stopped "trying hard" as people say...still not happening...over 1 year and a half if you count the year I wasn't on BC and wasn't "trying" either. Maybe "Santa" will give me a nice Christmas gift this year - morning sickness? :)

STILL trying. LOL. I've been using progesterone cream and taking my vitamins...that's about it. I think I'm just seeing what's happening. We'll see what the day brings...I did have cramps yesterday but they're gone now. No real on spotting yet, but that could change. I'm getting into the summer due dates...wee!

Called to make an appt to see my Dr...of course I get the "we'll have a nurse call you first". Uh huh. So if they try to blow me off, I won't be pleased. I told them my problem...what is a nurse going to do about it over the phone besides tell me that it's "normal"? (which I know it isn't).

Waiting for her to call me back. We'll see.

EDA: Appt on Monday. All she did was ask if I was on any birth control. Nooo. Why couldn't they just ask me that when I called in the first place? Pfft...anyway :)

Is this day over yet?

9dpo!




Temps were reallly high today. A good sign, but could change tomorrow as I'm only 9dpo. I can feel the old hag coming...if that's the case, I hope she stays away until Monday. *crosses fingers* I feel a bit optimistic, despite the fact that we practically missed the eggie this month...stranger things have happened. The good thing is, if the hag shows, it won't be as bad as a month where we did everything right and on time! I'm just super happy that my temps skyrocketed today. Yay :)

That makes my chart triphasic...

A triphasic chart shows three levels of temperatures: pre-ovulation, post-ovulation, and then a second rise around 7-10 days after ovulation. Some women with charts that show this pattern turn out to be pregnant. But many do not. Likewise, your chart does not need to show this kind of pattern for you to be pregnant. Whether or not you are pregnant, progesterone, the hormone responsible for raising your temperature after ovulation, generally peaks in the middle of your luteal phase and this can cause this kind of pattern whether or not you are pregnant.

A triphasic chart can be promising, however, because progesterone levels generally increase after implantation (7-10 days past ovulation) in conception cycles, and sometimes this results in a triphasic pattern. If your chart shows a second significant thermal shift that begins 7-10 days past ovulation, Fertility Friend will indicate a triphasic pattern in the Pregnancy Monitor. A triphasic chart, however, is not a definite sign that you are or are not pregnant. It is just increasing your probability if you also have well-timed intercourse. Likewise, you can be pregnant and not have a triphasic pattern. Like all signs of possible implantation or pregnancy, you can really only speculate about it once a pregnancy has already been confirmed.

I shouldn't be so sensitive when it comes to this whole process. It's just frustrating as hell. Just because I had a whim to test on an OPK yesterday, I got a positive, which means within 12-48 hours I'll be ovulating. Now I'm not supposed to ovulate until Sunday. This is way early, which is okay, but that means finding time to, er, get the job done with dear hubby and hope for the best. So far, no luck and there's a possibility I already ovulated last night thanks to a high temp this morning which means no chance this month.

I feel like crying, but I feel like a big baby when I do that so I guess all I can do is pray I get another positive OPK today. I'm also wondering if I ovulated the last 2 months earlier than I thought, which is what I was feeling, but wasn't sure.

It's only our 5th cycle TTC and already I want to give up.

A friend of Vince's (he was a groomsman at our wedding) got married last year. He and his wife are now expecting. Yay for them! But is it because I'm trying to have one that EVERYONE ELSE is getting pregnant? LOL. *sigh* :)

So I do believe this month is out. My temp dropped today, so the old hag should be here anytime now. I cried a bit this morning but Veen made me feel better. I hate getting upset like that over something like this but I'm just tired of the process. LOL.

But Vince did point out that the B6 lengthened my LP and that I had NO spotting before she came (which is a very good thing). So he said "this is like our first month trying." woopie! ;)

Anyway, now I'm feel a bit down and PMSy and among other things that are irritating me this morning.

In any case, onto July I suppose! :)

I have a new set up at this journal...new layout I guess. I love this new free template :) Those broken links will be taken care of. It lets you make your OWN to link to memories, etc...so I need to find lil cute pics to use :)

I have been taking B6 vitamins since April. It's supposed to help you lengthen your luteal phase. I also tried progesterone creme, but it made me sick to my stomach when I used it, so Vince told me to stick with the vitamins alone. I'm knocking on wood here, but it seems to be working...my LP is usually 9 or 11 days. If AF shows up tomorrow, I'll have a 12 day LP which is GOOD! :D

I was thinking yesterday that if I get pregnant this month, I'll be due in February. My cousin is due in December, so she must have been pregnant in March...maybe at Easter, though I doubt she knew since she was smoking. *IF* I'm pregnant, our family will have a newborn in October (my cousin Steve's wife), Holly in December and me in February. Every other month. That'd be strange.

Though I'm not banking on it...AF is due today. I'm sure she's right around the corner. PFFT! The hag!

Thanks to everyone who comments when I feel pooey. It helps lift my spirits :)

So I spoke to a nurse from my doctor's office (a different nurse) who I don't think knows what she's doing. She was confused as to what a luteal phase was. Hrm.

In any case, I am taking B6 now and progesterone cream which I use after I'm done ovulating. I'm pretty relieved that I'm supposedly ovulating this weekend, because it would have been awkward if it were NEXT weekend during vacation.

"Where did Sara and Veen go?"

Ho hum. LOL :) TTC while camping probably isn't the easiest.

Two women on a board I visit just gave birth. I've been following their journals since last year when they were TTC to. It's so weird, yet really really cool :) It's like hearing that 2 friends that you've known for awhile had their babies. Baby Emma a few weeks ago and Baby Olivia just recently. Hopefully I'll be making that announcement someday!

I was talking to my friend Kristin last night at dinner and she told me how surprised she was at how long Veen and I decided to wait before TTC. It didn't seem that long to me...this is our 3rd year of marriage (in October) and our 5th year of being together. Of course, I wanted to TTC right after our wedding, and I did realize how patient I've been with Vince. I'm hoping that patience pays off!!